Bates Motel: 1987

Long before the current critically acclaimed A&E Bates Motel prequel series, NBC commissioned a Bates Motel of its own starring Bud Cort.

In this series, Norman Bates had passed away and ownership of the infamous motel fell into the hands of a friend of his from the insane asylum played by Bud Cort. Norman's friend intended to clean up the place and get it open again. His best efforts were thwarted by a mysterious presence that threatened to end his dreams of a reopened motel.

You can be excused for not remembering this Bates Motel. NBC set it up as a potential Fall 1987 series, but controversy hit the production when Anthony Perkins publicly spoke out against it. The pilot was rejected by NBC, but the network decided to salvage some of its investment by airing it as a movie of the week in the summer, a time when such network mistakes are burned off.

The current successful Bates Motel is a prequel of sorts, taking place in the current day, but showing the events that led up to Norman's crimes as alluded to in the Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho.

TV Quote Weekends

"I'm Learnding!"

TV Quote Weekends

"Why you ill-mannered sack of crap!"

What Were They Thinking?: "The Jay Leno Show"

It's not too often that one gets to see a television network self destruct by making one bad decision, but those of us who follow the trials and tribulations of television got to see just that in 2009. That's when NBC almost killed itself with the colossal blunder of green lighting The Jay Leno Show. 

It all started several years before. NBC wanted to lock down Conan O'Brien to host the Tonight Show and send off Jay Leno with a big splash. Mr. Leno agreed that he would relinquish his chair in 2009 and retire from television. However, as his big retirement date got closer, Mr. Leno began to regret promising he'd retire gracefully. Word got out that Mr. Leno was shopping himself around and that Fox was interested in snatching him up. Faced with what they thought could be a potential disaster, NBC tried to lock Jay up with a contract for a different type of project, but he dug in his heels. He wanted to continue with a talk show, telling jokes as stale as any Bob Hope told in the depths of his career. So NBC made a decision that would threaten its very existence- it offered Jay Leno a show that would air five days a week at 10PM with a massive buyout clause that would have given Mr. Leno $100 Million if the network fired him or any reason.

NBC touted the show as a low cost money saving machine that didn't need to get good ratings because of how cheap it cost to produce. As a result a huge bloodbath occurred, with NBC canceling scores of shows, many of which were critically acclaimed like Southland, Kings and My Name is Earl. With fewer slots to fill, NBC could get rid of costly shows. It was quite telling that NBC kept touting how cost-effective this was, rather than the quality of Jay's show. 

Jay's show couldn't even meet NBC's lowered expectations. More importantly, it absolutely killed the local affiliates who saw huge declines in the ratings of their 11PM Newscasts. NBC had hoped to place third in the 10PM slot, but was regularly getting beaten by cable networks and Univision. Local affiliates began to rebel and some started dropping Jay Leno, either scheduling their news an hour earlier or airing syndicated reruns of Law & Order. One affiliate even aired Matlock reruns and got better ratings that Jay did.

With its very existence at stake, NBC pulled the plug on Jay Leno. Rather than send the comedy hack packing, however, they ousted Conan O'Brien and restored Jay to The Tonight Show. This decision was solely based on the fact that Jay's golden parachute was $100 Million, while Conan's was merely $40 Million. The only mistake Conan made was not demanding a larger severance package. 

To this day, NBC is still struggling to dig itself out of the hole it dug for itself during that disastrous 2009-2010 television season. By the time all was said and done, hardly anyone was standing up for Jay.

What Were They Thinking?: "Father of the Pride"

When Dreamworks Animation went public, its investors believed that they were buying into a company that was stable with an evergreen catalog of films. Unfortunately, the public wasn't as enraptured with Dreamworks' Shrek as it had been just a few years prior. Dreamworks needed a stable source of cash now that it had investors who would be closely monitoring its profit statements. They decided to do this by creating an animated television show that could provide a profitable stream of revenue. Their chosen project was the bizarre Father of the Pride.

Father of the Pride would be based on the eccentric Seigfried and Roy tiger act, a Las Vegas mainstay. Rather than focus on the flamboyant duo, however, the show would focus on anthropomorphized versions of the Tigers and their life on the Vegas strip. Just looking at the "family picture" shows everything one would need to know about the formulaic Dreamworks plotlines one was bound to encounter.

The show's production was announced to great fanfare in 2003. This would be a huge "Simpsons-esque" production, centered around these lovable tigers. Sadly, the first strike against the show would occur a few months later when one of the Tigers mauled Roy during a show. NBC almost canceled the project then and there, but it was kept alive; Dreamworks and NBC had invested far too much money in the show to scrap it.

The show premiered in 2004, the most expensive show on the Fall schedule of that year. It was an instant bust, both financially and critically.  With a per episode cost of two and a half million dollars, it was an expensive failure. Dreamworks would not ever again try such an ambitious project.

What Were They Thinking?: "Cop Rock"

Steven Bochco was seen as a television genius. Hill Street Blues, Doogie Howser, MD, LA Law.... It seemed like he could do no wrong. Then came the Fall 1990 season and the immortal poster boy for bad network decisions- Cop Rock.

Cop Rock was to be the first musical procedural cop show. Stake outs, shootouts and investigations were interrupted by elaborate musical production numbers. It was a ridiculous idea that allegedly made sense if one actually sat down and watched the show.

(Or maybe not.)

This one at least has a believable reason why ABC would greenlight it. Steven Bochco was a producing powerhouse. Despite its ridiculous premise of being a cop related musical, any network in 1990 would have greenlit this one. If ABC had turned it down, NBC or CBS would have picked it up in a heartbeat. The cast thought it had hit a goldmine of multiple seasons, syndication residuals and awards.

Since this is "What Were They Thinking?" however, you probably guessed that none of those things happened. The show became a laughingstock, shorthand for a ridiculous television show. Steven Bochco quickly recovered with NYPD Blue and many of the show's defenders claimed it was merely ahead of its time. Seeing as how musical cop dramas are still virtually unknown, we still haven't reached that "time" just yet.

What Were They Thinking?: "Supertrain"

In the late 1970's, NBC was flailing. It appeared that nothing it tried was catching on and its audience was shrinking each year. NBC was reinventing itself practically every year and wouldn't find anything that caught on until 1982. Until then, it tried just about everything, including copying what was successful on the other networks. One of the most successful shows at the time was ABC's Love Boat, where a cavalcade of hasbeens converged on the titular "Love Boat" to spend an hour engaging in hijinks that would be resolved by the end of the episode.

With cruise ships taken, NBC chose to "borrow" the formula and set it on a train. Excuse us- the Supertrain! While it was not unbelievable that these low wattage celebrities would be reduced to taking a train instead of an airplane, the idea that any company would, in 1979, build a gigantic, luxury cross-country train as a successful ongoing business is impossible to imagine. 

Looking at a picture of this "supertrain" with the super wide tracks and its boxy, Delorean style design is mind boggling. Isn't it too heavy to be practical? Are there really enough people willing to pay money for a slow moving cross country trip on a railroad?

And what about the on-train amenities? There was an entire pool in this amazing train! Where's the professional golf course and full size ballroom?

This Supertrain derailed quickly. Its high production costs doomed it to a quick death. The show was canceled after just nine episodes. If any lesson was learned from this, it was that merely copying another network's show would not lift NBC out of its doldrums. Also- that the viewing public wasn't completely gullible.

What Were They Thinking?: "You're in the Picture"

April Fools Week at TemporaryLayoffs.com will feature "What Were They Thinking?" a weeklong look at television's worst moments and dumbest television shows.

On January 20, 1961, Jackie Gleason premiered a new game show sponsored by Kellogg's called You're in the Picture which featured celebrities competing for charity by putting their faces through holes in a painting like they were taking photographs at a tourist trap. The celebrities were supposed to guess what the subject of the painting was by asking questions of the host- Mr. Gleason.

The show was an instant embarrassment. Some people claimed it to be the worst show ever aired up to that point. Jackie had hoped to show that he could do more than just a variety show or situation comedy, but this was not the project that would do so. CBS canceled the show after just one episode, but gave Mr. Gleason the chance to turn it into something else. In a legendary half hour of television, Jackie Gleason took his slot on January 27, 1961 to apologize for the show and admit that it was terrible-

"Last week we did a show that laid the biggest bomb—it would make the H-bomb look like a two-inch salute."

The show was renamed The Jackie Gleason Show and became a variety show. Mr. Gleason's career quickly recovered. His guest stars on that ill-fated show were just as lucky. Pat Harrington went on to play the character of Schneider on One Day at a Time. Pat Carroll has done many things, including providing the voice for the Disney villainess Ursula in the classic film The Little Mermaid.

TV Quote Weekends

"Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane!"

TV Quote Weekends

"Get out and take your Sacagawea dollars with you!"

Bizarre TV Tie-Ins: Archie Bunker's Grandson

When it comes to bizarre toys based on TV Shows, this one takes the cake. Introducing the craziest doll ever made- Archie Bunker's Grandson

Produced by Ideal Toys, which was a division of CBS at the time, this doll was controversial, but not for the reason you probably expect. People weren't upset that a doll based on an adult program featuring a racist old coot was being marketed to children; they were mad that this boy doll was anatomically correct. Ignoring that controversy for a minute, one wonders why anyone thought this toy would be a big seller. Imagine this box on a shelf at the local Woolco. What child would reach for the box featuring a leering old man on it? Based on the top picture on the side of the box, we can assume that this doll was indeed meant for children. Perhaps they figured lazy grandfathers, desperate to get something for the grandkids at the last minute, would pluck this doll off the shelf.

Whatever the thought process was, it was horribly wrong. This toy was not a huge success when originally released, but it is now highly sought after by toy collectors.

The DuMont Network

One of the earliest television broadcasters was the DuMont Network. Founded by DuMont Laboratories which manufactured televisions, the network was created as a ploy to sell televisions. Despite this, the company put a lot of effort into its programming, often besting its competitors by notching more firsts under its belt.

DuMont was the first network that broadcast a program halfway across the country, the first to have shows fronted by Asian and African Americans and the first to produce a made for TV Film. Before he moved his show to CBS, Jackie Gleason's show Cavalcade of Stars aired on DuMont. The television network created an advertising model that is still used by the other networks today, though it was only used by DuMont at the time.

Unfortunately, since DuMont didn't begin with a radio network like ABC, NBC or CBS, it was unable to weather the lean early years of television. The other three networks could take their radio profits and plow them into television. DuMont had no such luxuries and couldn't hang on. It folded in 1956, just ten years after its founding. To add insult to injury, the network's archived kinescopes of its early programs were mostly destroyed in the 1970's, thrown out like useless garbage. Few DuMont programs still exist, lost to the ages and shortsighted archivists.

The Real-Real Ghost-Busters

Nine years before Dan Ackroyd and Harold Ramis would bring their ghost fighting team to the big screen, CBS aired a Saturday morning sitcom featuring two ghost hunting detectives and a gorilla in a slapstick live action comedy called The Ghost-Busters.

Starring Larry Storch and Forrest Tucker, the short lived show had the lead actors playing characters closely modeled after their more successful F-Troop roles, only this time they found themselves saddled with what was clearly a fake gorilla. The show was mercifully canceled after just 15 episodes.

Filmation, which had produced the show for CBS, had probably forgotten all about this dud until Columbia Pictures came calling. They had an unrelated project also called Ghostbusters and wanted to license the name from Filmation. Filmation agreed and history was made when Ghostbusters took the 1984 box office by storm.

Columbia Pictures, in a cost saving measure, had not locked up exclusive rights to the Ghostbusters name. Now that the film was a runaway hit, Filmation decided to capitalize on its success by bringing back its classic characters in a new Ghost-Busters animated series.

Amazingly, Columbia Pictures actually tried to stop Filmation from using its own trademarks by filing a lawsuit claiming that children would be confused by the "fake" Ghostbusters. The case was thrown out and Filmation's new cartoon was released into syndication.

Not willing to let Filmation go unchallenged, Columbia released its own cartoon, astonishingly called The Real Ghostbusters, which it technically wasn't. A more accurate title might have been The Popular, More Recent Ghostbusters.

Eventually, Columbia Pictures worked out its issues with Filmation. Undisclosed sums of money changed hands, sealed deals signed and the cartoon based on the original Ghost-Busters became Filmation's Ghostbusters and Columbia's cartoon became the unchallenged Ghostbusters.