Monday, June 15, 2015

Fake Tabloid TV Quotes

"Uh oh! Sarah Jessica Parker is considering taking Extreme Measures to stop people who say she looks like a horse. Ms. Parker believes that Smart People still find her attractive and that she is within Striking Distance of silencing those who say she’s an ugly woman. It may take some Hocus Pocus for her to change her reputation, however, but Somewhere, Tomorrow she may prevail over her critics."

“Linda Blair needs an Exorcist to eliminate the bad spirits that haunt her finances. It seems her creditors are raising a Ruckus over her unpaid bills and her house may end up Repossessed. Will she be able to say All is Normal, or will she be Zapped Again and end up on the street?”

"Apparently controversy Runs in the Family when it comes to Michael Douglas. His son was caught dealing drugs, contributing to the drug Traffic that afflicts the United States. Michael’s Basic Instinct was to hire a lawyer and tell his son to Don’t Say a Word. Will prosecutors be able to convince a jury that Michael’s son is guilty Beyond a Reasonable Doubt or will the younger Douglas end up a Solitary Man in prison? Only time will tell if his son will end up Falling Down or Shining Through.

"Full Disclosure- Demi’s life is not Flawless these days! She’s made some bad Choices and A Few Good Men have been a bad influence on her. If These Walls Could Talk, they’d say that Demi has used little Wisdom in choosing who to share her Bedrooms with. Her family is rallying around her, making sure she’s safe in a General Hospital. Hopefully her Mortal Thoughts will disappear and she’ll clean herself up to prevent becoming a Ghost!”

“John Travolta is in a Face Off with his accusers! John says anyone accusing him of gay shenanigans is engaging in some Pulp Fiction and that they are telling Basic lies about him! He and his wife are taking the controversy Moment By Moment and are thinking of taking A Civil Action against the masseuses making these allegations. Will John’s life go back to being Perfect or will it resemble a Battlefield Earth?”