Thursday, January 22, 2015

Five More Things You Can Do on TV But Not in Real Life

Recover From A Misunderstanding!

The wacky folks on TV are always getting into misunderstandings. Whether it is the husband who mistakenly gropes the wrong woman’s ass, (She looked like my wife from behind!) the guy who accidentally goes into the women’s restroom (I was blinded by the lemon my buddy squirted in my eye!) or the fool who somehow finds himself naked in a public place, TV misunderstandings always seem to work out in the end. The embarrassed culprit often gets away with just a shrug or at worst, a slap across the face. Sometimes the victim even loves the attention! (Typically this person is revealed to be extremely ugly or desperate.) In real life, the culprit would most likely find himself locked away in jail for quite some time, his claims of it being a misunderstanding falling on deaf ears.

Shoot your gun indiscriminately!

In the world of TV, undercover agents, private investigators and just about anyone, actually, can indiscriminately shoot their gun just about anywhere without ever having to worry about the legal repercussions. Bystanders duck and run away, but never actually summon the police. Despite endangering innocent people and causing untold property damage, the “hero” can just walk away quickly and never have to answer for their misbehavior. In real life? The “hero” would become a wanted man, eventually finding himself in a nice little jail cell.

Be a huge pain in the ass without alienating your friends!

On TV even the most annoying jerks are surrounded by tons of friends. Anti-social? Shut in? Obnoxious? Despite behavior that would seemingly make sane people run for the exits, every eccentric, annoying, disgusting person on TV is surrounded by fun friends who tolerate all their quirks. In real life? Mr. and/or Mrs. Annoying would live their life alone, eventually being discovered dead by a mailman who noticed their piled up mail.

Operate a business with no customers!

A disproportionate number of people on TV own their own businesses. And a disproportionate number of those businesses seem to be doing well despite their lack of customers. Staffed by snarky employees who continually harass the customers and chase away business, it seems that these businesses might be on the brink of failure, yet despite all of these problems, their doors stay open. In the real world? After the smartass employees chased away all the customers, the doors would quietly close, leaving a bankrupt and ruined businessperson.

Live well with no discernible income!

Many people on TV live great lives in comfortable homes, surrounded by loving family and friends. Despite their apparent wealth, however, these TV residents have no apparent job that would explain their lavish lifestyle. Even if they do, they are rarely shown actually working, though they may occasionally mention “the office” as an abstract concept. In real life? Yeah, they’d probably be homeless.